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4 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Trying To Help Friends In Pain
When the Morphine Failed, I Learned What Suffering Friends Don’t Need
I lay in a hospital bed, drugged up on morphine but still in incredible pain. It had stopped working. I realized in that moment what I needed from my friends and family and, more importantly, what I didn’t.
Not many of us are trained to deal with suffering. It’s hard to watch your friend go through the mix of powerful emotions that come up. But even with my background in psychology and counseling, it wasn’t until I experienced suffering first-hand that I understood: What you say or do is less important than what you don’t.
At 28, I developed a severe chronic illness. The pain was like nothing I’ve experienced before or since (and I’ve given birth twice with no pain relief!). It was also hard on me emotionally. For a long time the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I lost 11 kgs in two weeks, was displaying unusual symptoms, and wasn’t responding to morphine. I wondered if I was dying. No-one could tell me I wasn’t.
My ex-husband and mum stood at the foot of my bed unable to touch me and protected head to foot with masks, white disposable gowns, and gloves.
