Member-only story
Can Overthinkers Like Me Survive Working Online?
It’s a mess here for sensitive people
Today I’ve felt mildly depressed all day and I can’t shake it.
My mind is that huge whirlpool of plastic in the ocean, 620,000 square miles of thoughts swirling uselessly around, contaminating everything. The longer I sit with it the larger it gets, collecting new junk thoughts and adding them into the mess.
“You don’t have what it takes.”
“You’re failing.”
“Why don’t you just do something else.”
I know I’m an overthinker. Was it smart choosing a job where all I do all day is think?
It probably doesn’t help that it’s winter here right now.
I tend to get down in winter. The cold sucks my energy and drains my mood. Freelance work also cools off this time of year. I prepare for it, but every year I watch my savings, worrying whether I have enough to cover us until it improves.
I’ve lived before with zeroed out bank accounts and unpayable debt. I haven’t forgotten how that feels: the stress and mental energy it takes to pull yourself up off that ledge by the fingernails. My body hasn’t forgotten, even though it was years ago.
