Member-only story
How to flirt with your crush
And still be a strong, independent woman
I never liked flirting tips. All that hair flicking, lip licking, running your fingers suggestively up and down the stem of a wine glass….In my twenties my friends and I played them out for our own entertainment, but we cringed at the thought of actually using them for their intended man-pulling purposes. I spent my time around smart, strong, independent women and we felt flirting techniques like that were the mark of ditsy barbie-girls.
So when I was told last year that I was “quite a flirt”, I was surprised and, well, a bit offended.
“How am I a flirt?” I asked.
“I don’t know, you just are,” he replied with a cheeky smile.
I started to ask my friends about flirting and to take a look at what it was people were picking up as flirty behaviour. What was it men were responding to?
Warm Confidence
After my divorce, I did a lot of work on myself and on carving out a new, more positive life. My career was blossoming, I was getting back into sport and climbing, I felt strong and fit, I was optimistic about the future, and I had a great new group of friends that I was enjoying. When I met guys I came into the conversation with this thought in my head: “I’m an awesome person” but also “You seem like an awesome person too”.
This “You’re okay — I’m okay” mindset is talked about in popular psychology and is important to work towards in general, but when approaching a guy you like it’s even more important. If you don’t like yourself, why would they?
If you don’t think you are an absolute catch then you may not be quite ready to be dating.
Thinking you’re a catch is less about how you look and more about how you think. Do you have your own interests, passions, friendships, and opinions? Do you feel good about yourself and your life? Then you’re a catch and any guy who doesn’t see that isn’t the guy for you.
Warm confidence is very attractive!
Knowing that any guy would be lucky to date you will make the flirty stuff — the smiling, eye contact, chatting and laughing with him much easier and more relaxed.
