A braided essay — In New Zealand Maori culture you’re taught to introduce yourself by naming the place, mountain, and body of water significant to you. For me, that body of water is the braided rivers of Canterbury. Braided rivers are unique in the world but in Canterbury, where I was raised, they are…

In the Twilight Zone with a Political Activist, Cult Members, and Pudding — I was worried about Christmas. I’d be on my own for the first time in my life. Recently divorced, my kids were scheduled to be at their dad’s and I had no-one else to spend Christmas Day with. Life felt surreal still – the divorce, the empty house on weekends…

A micro-memoir — My mother is Amazonian. When she walks into a room she exudes intimidating grace and presence. Growing up, I saw an exquisite, powerful woman in shoulder-padded suits and sexy black heels. She saw something different in the mirror. Her nose was too long, her hips too big, her breasts too…

But who knows — “There’s not enough advice in the world” — Kevin Kelly, founding editor of Wired, on Freakonomics podcast. I don’t know. I think there’s an awful lot of advice. But, I can’t resist offering some more. Just incase Kevin Kelly is right — and because he suggested this idea — here…

We need to think about relationships differently — “I’ve always thought commitment phobe turned marriage therapist would be a good idea for an article,” Toronto-based therapist Avrum Nadigel jokes on our Zoom call. I thought it was a good idea too. Loneliness is at an all time high, so tell me this…why are so many of us avoiding…

How do you know if you’re a good mother or not? — The School for Good Mothers caught my eye as I scanned Barack Obama’s summer reading list. By first time author Jessamine Chan, the concept of good and bad mothers intrigued me. My own mum often told me she wasn’t a good mother. Even as a child I knew it was…

Feeling like you belong isn’t always easy — It was my husband’s grandmother’s 90th birthday a few weeks ago and, heading off to their huge family gathering, I couldn’t help feeling jealous of my husband. Ben and I live in the same town he grew up in and most of his family and extended family still live here. …

How I manage long-distance love — My partner became my fiancé two days ago. We left my kids with the grandparents and took a trip to Auckland for our one-year anniversary celebration. The first day of our holiday, he suggested we take a walk up a volcano. We both love the outdoors so I was much…

You can learn a lot from watching your date with his bestie — There’s an cute advert running on T.V. here in New Zealand at the moment. A guy is getting married and he’s nervous about the first dance. His mates, all very blokey-bloke (manly, rugby-loving, beer drinking etc.) men, partner up and teach him to dance. It makes me cry, which my…

Are you ready to date again? — Some of the women in my Divorced and Dating Facebook Group said it was too soon for me to be dating. Were they right? In some ways, yes. But as much as I appreciated them, it wasn’t their place to decide. You’re the only one who knows the right time…

Attraction isn’t as straight forward as you imagine — It’s easy to get convinced by media and Instagram images, that we have to look a certain way to be attractive. The standards of beauty and attractiveness seem to lift constantly, for both men and women. It’s not enough to be cute, now you have to have a tiny waist…

This easy action boosts your love and can help protect your relationship. — If you could improve your relationship with less than 90 seconds of effort every week, would you do it? Of course, who wouldn’t? 90 seconds is nothing over an entire week, but it could make a huge difference in your relationship. That’s the promise made by the Gottman Institute: “It…

To find real love you need to weed out the bad advice — Picking your forever person is a huge decision. And many of us feel like our pickers are broken. We don’t trust ourselves to choose well, because we haven’t in the past. I found myself hunting through Google for relationship advice a few years ago. …

Communication is key to a good relationship. But can there be too much of a good thing? — “We need to talk about it!” “Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?” Stella rolled her eyes. “Are you even listening? We need to talk about this or it’s going to become a real problem for us.” Stella’s partner Jed could feel the frustration boiling. “But, we’re here, right now…

Think of these as deadly sins. — “You don’t appreciate me,” my husband said. I winced. As a Relationship Coach, I work with many couples on improving their relationship, so it’s a particular sore spot when my husband points out that I miss the mark too. He was right, of course. I’d been stressed and hadn’t said…

Love can be found in unexpected places — We were sitting at a table near the bar, listening to a local band, when two beautiful women approached us. They clearly knew Ben and both gave him a hug. “Who’s this?” they asked, eyeing me up in their tiny, figure-hugging dresses and expertly applied makeup. At 39, in jeans…

Are you attracting the right people? — We all want and need close friends, but the reality is friendships are not always easy or solid. In some, you end up making all the effort — always being the one who calls, always the one to organize meet ups. In some, you change and outgrow people. In some…

The journey from wingman to partner — New on the dating scene, I needed an accomplice. My friend Ben would do. “There’s a guy I like and his band is playing tonight. Do you want to come be my wing-man?” I texted him. “Yeah! Sure. If you’ll be mine, too!” Ben had been single for a long…

It sucks but it’s actually okay — It’s not an easy decision to leave a long-term relationship. 70% of the time, it’s the women who end up leaving marriages. Even if your relationship has been toxic or abusive, there’s this strange thing that happens: The person who leaves becomes the villain. People say they won’t take sides…