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This is Why Our Relationships Fail and How to Change It
If your interactions are tipped to positive you’re more likely to last the distance
I’m not a big fan of math. Ratios and fractions, particularly, scared me at school. But this ratio is one I’m keen to embrace wholeheartedly.
5:1
Five positive interactions to one negative.
Five smiles, gentle touches, kind words, loving notes. Five times that you listen and pay attention with real interest. Five times that you comfort, laugh, reassure, and act silly together.
Five to one. That’s the ratio that Dr John Gottman — after over 30 years of research — says determines whether your relationship will last the distance.
What successful couples do
“When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”
Negative interactions are so powerful that they need five positive ones to recover. Does that mean you should avoid any conflict to cut down negative interactions? Of course not. Avoiding conflict is unhealthy and impossible. It’s not the…
